I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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