Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
