I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
