He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
