I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
