My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
