Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
