Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Randomize
