i can't believe i had my finger in that
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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