Do you still have your period?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
