I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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