theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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