just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
