Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
