i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
