I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
