You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
