i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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