Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
