i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
