Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
