the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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