im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
