if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
