found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
