never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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