since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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