Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
