Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
