i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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