your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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