They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
