is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
