she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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