Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
