How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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