we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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