You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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