shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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