So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
