Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
