Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
