The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
