At least make sure they are 18
Why
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
