i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
