How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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