im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
