I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
