just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
