Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
